Man vs Couch: It begins. Episode I: Couch vs Gravity
The sofa in question, a green velour affair from Big Lots!
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A few months ago, I purchased a sofa from Big Lots!, a discount department store, for the handsome price of $150. While the sofa had a tendency to make a slight squeak whenever anyone sat down when we tried it at the store, it seemed otherwise relatively innocuous, so we took it home. Within a day, the entire right side of the contraption had collapsed, leaving a gaping hole between the seat cushion and the back of the couch itself. As a result, both of our cats have since had a field day running in and out of the sofa for the past few months…
That all ended yesterday.
Thanks to an opportune act of charity, we managed to get our hands on a much nicer sectional yesterday, so the bargain-basement couch was out of a job. However, it was still sitting in our living room, and the thing is massive, so we decided to chuck it out the window. By the time I’d hauled it through the too-small door onto the deck, I was truly ready to watch the fucker die. It’s pretty flimsy, after all, so I figured the 20-foot fall would do some serious damage.
Isaac Newton’s popular theory gets a practical test and passes with flying colors.
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(If you can’t see the video, click here to watch it.) Well, as you can tell, the couch survived. I assume it’s because of its relatively light weight in spite of its massive bulk. I am not done, however. Upon moving the couch over near the garage, I couldn’t help noticing my 1996 Saab 9000 parked immediately next to it.
Now, the Saab is a piece of shit. It leaks every possible fluid, as well as some impossible ones, and requires double-clutching to shift gears, despite being an automatic. Fortunately, I will no longer need it on Monday, when I will have a new car. Not surprisingly, given its predisposition to effluviate, the dealer was rather frugal in her offer for my vehicle, so I saw no need to trade it in. I’m selling it for parts ($500), even though it still drives, so let me know if you want it. After you read this next part.
So, I’m sitting on what’s left of my old couch, out in the yard, thinking about how to destroy it. And then, it hits me! Episode II: Couch vs Saab, is now in pre-production. Filming starts today.
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Alcibiades Would Never Blog. » Blog Archive » Man vs Couch: It Continues…. Episode II: Couch vs Spork (Apr 29, 2006)
[...] In its quest to create the perfect eating machine, mankind has struck gold with the Spork, the combination fork-spoon utensil that allows the user to both poke and scoop food simultaneously. Today, however, the spork will face a far greater challenge than any microwave dinner or KFC meal–my couch! That’s right, folks. My plan to destroy the couch with a Saab 9000 fell through, mainly because one of the pistons in the Saab’s engine ‘fell’ through the engine block. In retrospect, though, I think the spork will be a tougher challenge anyway. [...]