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Christianity: An unmuted beacon of tolerance for almost 2,000 years

Religious douchebags have once again managed to demonstrate their disregard for anyone who doesn’t think like them, and this time, they’re playing the race card. In an effort to postpone the planned crackdown on illegal Sunday double parking in Washington, D.C., religious cult leaders in that city were eager to blame ‘gentrifiers’ for turning the neighborhood into ‘one-class, one-race, gated community that shuts people out rather than letting them in.’ What gets me here is not just that these assholes feel they have a divine right to double park on a street they don’t even live on. It’s also that they, as the Washington Post put it, ‘parking in front of hydrants or walkways or hemming in other cars by double-parking.’ In other words, these jerk-offs think they can let someone’s house burn down, or prevent someone who has to work on a Sunday from using their car–I know, it’s hard to imagine such people when you make your money off the backs of the poor and never actually have to work–all in the name of some made up shithead. I try to be rational about religion, I try to acknowledge the positive spiritual messages it provides to some people, but FUCK, these twits make it hard. And when you claim to speak for the same people you have repressed and stepped on and shat all over for thousands of years, just so you can drive to the church your aunt goes to, even though you live nowhere near it, then I lose all respect for what you call ‘faith.’ I don’t believe in the second coming, I believe that our planet is in serious trouble, and if we don’t take immediate, drastic action, we could end life for our species. But it seems to me that, if some douchebag in the sky wants us to make babies like the Dickens, he would want us to figure out some way to prevent ourselves for choking on our own hubristic myopia. I don’t see him supporting our anticipating his grandly planned judgment day with a massive orgy of fluorocarbons, carbon monoxide, and Slim Pickens ridin’ the bomb.
So fuck you, churchgoing douchebags of Washington, D.C. You’re hypocrites, and religious hypocrites at that. I hope someone slashes all your tires, and to be honest, I kinda wouldn’t cry if your churches burned and the firetrucks were blocked by your double parked, flat-tired, and wholly immovable vehicles. Then you can have your judgment day, and residents can park in front of their homes again.

South Dakota took another step towards the primal muck of pre-evolution today by banning nearly all forms of abortion within the state. The douchebag leading the charge is Governor Mike Rounds (send the asshole an email, or a letter, telling him how much you despise him for his fascist ideals), a fucking moron who has tried for years to weasle South Dakota’s female population’s civil rights away with various different anti-abortion laws. Thanks to the overwhelming stupidity of enough of the idiots who determine the course of South Dakota’s politics, that law finally passed today. If you’ve ever met anyone who’s worked at a Planned Parenthood office, or a rape counseling center, or a teen pregnancy counseling organization, I’m sure you know how absolutely thrilled they are to know that their hard work is once again being threatened by the insipid pond scum known as the religious right. In fact, if the terrorist anti-abortion protesters who linger outside such establishments for the sole purpose of torturing and tormenting the emotionally vulnerable and understandably upset victims who are forced to pass them on the way to receive treatment aren’t waving their plastic fetuses and screaming obscenities in victory all over the country today, they’re even dumber than they seem. Not to mention that Christians whining about abortion is inherently myopic and just plain hypocritical (see the post about Pope Innocent III). Honestly, it would be really nice to see someone else put the fear of God (sorry, couldn’t resist) into these fuckers, maybe to give them an idea of what it’s like to take what they seem so happy to dish out all the time, or just so they understand what it’s like to be the victim instead of the perpetrator. But of course, such action would be illegal, meaning only anti-abortion protesters and pro-life ‘advocates’ would really give the strategy any thought. So anyway, Mike Rounds…fuck you, douchebag.

This was a comment I posted in response to this article. Here are my thoughts:

Ok, the argument here is as to who’s better: a man who drunkenly drowned a woman and hid that from the authorities, or a man who shot someone else while prancing around on a sissy perversion of a hunt, and hid that from the authorities. Now, I’m fairly certain I’ve never done anything nearly that awful, so I think the question that should be raised here is not, “Whose jerkwad is better?” but rather, “Why are negligent drunkards and dottering old men with no aim running our country?” I suppose my point is, the only people served by the debate over who’s the bigger ass between Kennedy and Cheney are Kennedy and Cheney, whose parties have the country suckered into thinking their only option is, well, either a douchebag or a turd sandwich.

Honestly, I’m sick of hearing comparisons like this…especially from someone whose blog clearly indicates the more than adequate intelligence of its author. It’s not about who’s better, it’s just simply about the fact that both are shitty. Read Dante’s Inferno. The fourth circle is far less shitty than the 7th, but they’re both in Hell.

Alright, let me start this by saying I don’t know Faye Moore, nor anything about her, except that she currently occupies the position of General Manager of SEPTA (click the link, it tells you everything you’ll need to know), the SouthEastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority. SEPTA, or as its more affectionately called by the cognoscenti, the SEPTIC system, is the worst public transit system on the face of the Earth. This is claiming a lot, I know, but I’ve been on a few subway systems, and none of them even come close to sucking as incredibly much as does SEPTA.
“How much does SEPTA suck?” I hear you people from the greater New York-New England area say.
Well, my friends, consider the following announcement, overheard at a downtown station: “The R7 to Trenton (NJ) is currently not running due to unplanned repairs on the track. Travelers to Trenton should seek an alternate means of transportation.” I don’t need to tell Bostonians that the slogan we grew up hearing was “T. The alternate route.” So, pray tell…if I’m on the alternate route, and it’s not running, what the FUCK am I supposed to do? Also note, Trenton, New Jersey is a considerable distance from Philadelphia, and it was rush hour. Thankfully, I was heading west, both because it would have been unfortunate to be stuck without transport, and also because it would suck to have to go to Jersey.
I would blame this incident on freak coincidence, were it not for SEPTA’s recent proposed plan to shut down weekend service on several train lines. That’s right, these douchebags were willing to let the hardworking people of Philadelphia unlucky enough to be working weekends walk, because of ‘budget problems.’ The city of Buenos Aires, Argentina, is the capital of a country whose currency is worth less than dogshit, yet its subway system miraculously manages to stay open a whopping 7 days a week.
Anyway, Faye Moore, you’re the unlucky face of the miserable institution known as SEPTA, so you’re a douchebag.

Today’s Douchebag of the Day has been dead for hundreds of years, but the echoes of his stupidity continue to ring through the long tunnels of history.

Pope Innocent III (buy the action figure here), named as such because the Church loves irony, has been carefully hidden away by the Catholic powers-that-be for several reasons, none more important than his decision to legalize 1st-trimester abortions. That’s right, that Catholic Church.
The actual case presented to the Pope was that of a monk who’d knocked up his girlfriend, then ‘persuaded’ her to abort the child. Innocent decided that, as long as the fetus was yet to be ‘animated,’ i.e. it was less than 16.5 weeks old, it contained no soul, and could be done away with without a charge of murder being brought against the monk.
When did such horrid policy change? When the Industrial Revolution forced the nations of Europe to acknowledge a glaring problem, as well as its obvious solution: a lack of cheap, unskilled labor for the factories. Who better to place into these highly desirable positions than orphans, street-children, and others without the means to provide for or protect themselves? But of course, the silly habit of aborting unwanted fetuses cuts deeply into the production of orphans, and therefore poses untold risk in an industrializing economy. At this point, abortion became murder in the Catholic mind, and the mindless Catholic masses started killing people to save unborn babies, because that’s what Jesus would do, or at least that’s what you might think Jesus would do, if you were a complete friggin’ douchebag.